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Sunday, September 7, 2014

Instilling Trust



Trust:  noun - reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. (www.dictionary.reference.com)

It is our job to teach our children independence.  We need that independence to go hand in hand with trust.  We need to trust that our children will act within the set of boundaries that we have defined for them.  We need to trust that our children will tell us the truth to the best of their ability when they are young and absolutely as they get older.  We cannot let them go if we cannot trust them.  How can we instill our relationship with them with trust and have them understand the simultaneous fragility and strength of a trusting relationship?  First and above all else, we need to be trustworthy. 
                     
Am I intentionally teaching trust?  A checklist:

  • Keep every promise.  Never make a promise if there is a chance of not keeping it.
  • Keep their secrets unless someone is going to be harmed.  No matter how cute you may find what they’ve told you, you breech their trust by sharing with friends and family.
  • If you have to share a secret because someone will be harmed, tell them and explain.  Don't just breach their confidence.
  • Tell the truth.  The truth always comes out – from your answer to “Is there really a tooth fairy?” to situations in your home.  Statements may need to be age appropriate but they should also be true.
  • Do what you say.  Saying one thing but doing another sends confusing messages and shows that our statements have no meaning. 
  • Be emotionally steady, calm and predictable.  If children can’t trust your reactions, they learn to be leery of everyone and to be less than forthcoming with you.
  • Be a model of trustworthiness in your other relationships.  Your children watch everything you do.  Let them see you being a trustworthy person.
  • Do not post about them on social media without asking their permission.  Babies have no choice but children older than that do.  So what if your 3 year old exerts some power and says no to your request?  There was a time when social media didn’t exist and people didn’t know our every move.  Don’t invade their privacy without permission.
  • Don’t just say, “Trust me” in the face of their fears and frustration.  If they are afraid or mad and you are ignoring that, they actually don’t have reason to trust you.  Don’t disregard what they are feeling.  Give an explanation as to why you may have a solution to the problem that is making them feel emotional.
  • The consequences for acting in a less than trustworthy manner need to make sense.  The consequences need to be a result of their action.  If a child breaks something and lies about it, explain that you are disappointed and that you will be watching more carefully now.  Perhaps the child won’t be allowed in a certain room out of your sight for a short time.  If older children lie about where they’ve been, it would be appropriate to allow less independence for a short time.  Time out, loss of property and other random punishments that don’t tie into “the crime” teach them nothing.
  • Congratulate them when they are trustworthy.  Praising the right behavior guides their actions.


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Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.
For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC
                                                                                                                               
Copyright 2014 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.

Friday, September 5, 2014

When I See Students, I Remember….


Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC

I am a busy woman.  I wonder if I am, in fact, too busy.  I am the Director of Schools at Temple Shalom in Aberdeen, New Jersey – yes, that means all of our schools from the early learning center thru 12th grade.  I am a credentialed instructor of adults and provide professional development lectures and presentations.  I am a Certified Professional Coach with a Certified Youth, Parent, Family Coach specialty. 

I am often knee-deep in paperwork and budgets.  Math was never my thing and I grab calculators thinking of the irony.  

I put myself out there.  All of my experience, knowledge and creativity is often lying on the table in front of you.  I do that knowing that I cannot and will not please everyone. It is the ultimate risk taking.

I am in the position of not only hiring and mentoring great teachers but also having to sometimes change their lives by ending our professional relationship.   When I have to do that, I wonder why I like this career. 

I do my best to provide a school that nurtures children and reaches every learner.  Some of their life stories & needs break my heart and I wonder why I want to be so entrenched in so much humanity.  

I also spend time lecturing, providing professional development presentations and facilitating parenting workshops.    On the show “Once Upon a Time,” they say that all magic has its price.  Success is like magic.  It has a price, too.   I have stood in the wings waiting to be introduced and wondered what my family is doing at home.

When I see students, I remember why I do this.  I do this because when I see them grasp a concept, take pride in their accomplishments and jump up with a new idea, I have had the honor and privilege to touch the future.  When I see adult students  – an audience of school directors, teachers or parents – nod in agreement or say that I have impacted the way they think, I remember why I do this.  I touch the people who touch hundreds of lives.  People thank me but I am eternally grateful for all of you.   I am truly blessed. 

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Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.
For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC
                                                                                                                               
Copyright 2014 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Hearing Children: A Multi-Sensory Task



We tell young children that we use our ears to hear.  It explains the function of ears, but we aren’t being entirely accurate.  In order to really hear our children, we need to use all of our senses.  They cannot always tell us what they need but, if we are observant enough, we can hear them.  The child who has tantrums is talking to us.  The child who communicates physically by hitting or pushing is talking to us.  The child who squeezes so hard when we hug is telling us something. 

Frustration is one of the hardest emotions for a child to cope with and express.  Frustration can look like a tantrum or a thrown toy.  Frustration can also look like a child sitting in a corner and refusing to interact.  Punishing children for expressing frustration in the only way available to them does not solve the underlying problem.  Children need a word for what they feel.  They need to know that we hear them.  We need to say, “I see that you are frustrated” and then talk about what action they can take next time instead.  It is true that sometimes children need to be removed from a situation.  They need a break but they don’t need an isolating time out.  They need to be near you while they regain control of their emotions.  They can sit near you, take a deep breath, problem solve and learn.

Crying isn’t fun for anyone.  When children cry, they are in distress and need us to listen.  Their troubles may seem minor, trivial or even cute to us but they are serious to your child.  Children need to know that we hear their sadness and it matters.  Ignore or demean their emotions when they are young and chances are that they won’t come to you when they are sad in their teen years.  Hear them, give words to them and let them know that you take their world seriously, too.

We can see and hear the signs of frustration and sadness.  We can feel their need for security and affection.  It is as if they draw strength from us when they hold our hand or hug tightly. During our busy days, we need to take the time to feel for their insecurities.  When they cannot express the reason for the unusually tight hug or grasp of our leg or our hand, we need to hear that they are needy and return the grasp.  Hug a little longer.  Squeeze back. 

It is so wonderful to use our senses to hear their happiness.  When your children are laughing, stop what you are doing and really listen.  They won’t giggle that way forever.  When your children run into your arms after a business trip, they are saying, “I love and missed you.”  When they jump up and down when their friends or family pull into the driveway, they are saying, “I am so excited and like these people.” 

Pause, watch, look, listen, feel and consider what the children may really be saying.  Our children are always speaking with their whole beings and we need to listen with all of ours.

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Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.
For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC
                                                                                                                               
Copyright 2014 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.  You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

I Want to Be a Superhero



I want to be a superhero.

I want to be everywhere at once.  I want to make it to one son’s play while also cheering on my other son’s team.

I want to be a fine example of hard work leading to success.  I want to have time to fill my home with the smell of baking cookies.

I want to give my children everything that I didn’t have even though I have to admit that most of it wasn’t invented yet.  I want to teach my children that material items don’t matter.

I want to be a superhero.

I want to be the mom I wished my mom could have been while she was trying to be a better mom than her own.

I want to be accepting of my children’s dreams while easily letting my dreams for them go.  I want to be the parent who knows that my dreams have little to do with their reality.

I want to remember that when they are adults they will remember the laughter, the rules that seemed to make no sense, the times when I was profoundly human & made mistakes, got injured, got lost and danced when there was no music playing.

I want to be the mom who knows that in the end only my unconditional love matters.  Material things won’t matter if they are surrounded by an atmosphere of impatience, judgment, disappointment, and condemnation.

I want to be remembered as someone who gave my children a foundation filled with love.

I want to be a superhero.

________________________________________________________________________
Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.
For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC
                                                                                                                               
Copyright 2014 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.