Thursday, August 27, 2015

Forgive Me If I Stare

Us....
Tomorrow, my baby goes to college.  It's so hard to believe.  

When my older son went to college, it was a milestone. My family started a new chapter of children spending most of the year elsewhere.  It felt like part of a piece of my life puzzle was missing but we reveled in his successes.  He is now a college graduate with a full time job and a grown up life.  We launched one.

Now, it's my younger son's turn to do what we have spent 18 years teaching him to do - be independent and find his life.  There's something different about sending him to college.  He has pointed out a few times that this time, my husband and I are really empty nesters.  Though his older brother is living here, he is an adult who is barely here and planning his final move out.  I will come home from work and no one will need anything from me.  There will be such quiet.

My mother likes to say that it is as it should be and for that, we have to be so grateful.  I know she is right.  When he was born, we imagined him growing up with maybe few bumps in the road and going to college someday.  Our dreams for him are coming true.  He is quite a young man and will have such a wonderful four years.  He will emerge an adult from the experience of being on his own.  He makes me proud every day and I can't wait to see what his life becomes.

I will only ask that he forgive me if I stare at him tonight or tomorrow.  I want to memorize the moment.  I want the picture of this young man with his whole future in front of him forever seared into my brain. I will put the picture right next to that of his brother on his first day of college.  Both images rest in my head next to the faces I memoized on the days they were born.  
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Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.

For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC

Copyright 2015 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Trust is Built in the Quiet Moments

Trust is taught and built when you least expect it.  It isn’t in the large, loud, dramatic moments.  It happens in the quiet, everyday-ness of life.  It is taught through demonstration and not by lectures, never by punishment. 

Show your children trust by keeping their private lives private.  Ask their permission before posting on social media and don’t post if they don’t give their permission.  Don’t talk about their every misstep with all of your friends and relatives.  It is ironic that adults wouldn’t want their loved ones to call the neighbors every time they made a mistake, but we do that to children.  If you wouldn’t want your children to tell their peers when you misbehave, don’t do it to them.

When your children as a question, tell them the truth.  They won’t ask until they are ready to hear the answer.  They will ask about the tooth fairy, Santa and other childhood stories when they want to know.  If you have built a good relationship, they may ask you about sexuality, drinking and drugs.  They need to know simple truth from you.

Keep every one of your promises. Don’t even hint about things you may not be able to do.  Children believe you when you say you will take them to the park or buy a new toy…until they can’t believe you anymore.  Show them that you only say what is possible and that you are one of the very few people in this word that they can count on.

The pivotal moments in every relationship are the moments we barely think about.  They are the moments when you kept your word or you didn’t.  They are the moments when you chose not to gossip but to do what you say by keeping some things in the family.  Trust is built by respecting the needs, privacy and humanity of others.  It’s true for you in your adult relationships and it’s how you build a lifelong trusting relationship with your children. 

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Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.

For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC

Copyright 2015 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

36,526 Words and Counting: A Lesson in Understanding When Children Feel Overwhelmed

Speaking in NYC - Little did I know how my life would
change just twenty minutes later...
Last April, I was speaking in New York City when I received an email from an editor of a New York publishing house asking if I ever considered writing a book based on my talks.  I had played with the idea but never imagined that I would be approached.  I imagined trying to get someone to buy it or self-publishing, both of which felt too daunting so I hadn’t written a manuscript yet.  I was not about to let this golden opportunity pass so I entered the process of working with the editor to write a book proposal for her board.  Much to my amazement, they approved and offered me a contract.  Thus began my lesson in what it must feel like to be one of our overwhelmed students.

After discussions with my editor, I learned that a typical length for non-fiction books is 50,000-70,000 words.  My book is a guide for educators about appropriate expectations for preschoolers.  I had no clue how many words were in my head about that but who am I to argue with typical?  I had my outline from the approved proposal and a summer ahead of me to write my heart out.  I learned some things about myself.  My “process” seems to be to empty my head into Microsoft Word and keep moving forward.  I learned to walk away when I stare at a page for too long because I am most likely to figure out my next sentence while I am in the shower or making lunch or sleeping.  I am at 36,526 words with several chapters to go and have learned that I cannot ignore the word count on the bottom left of the screen no matter how much I try.

More than anything, I have learned a new meaning for the word “overwhelmed.”  The task is huge.  It is so huge that a final and completely edited manuscript ready for publishing isn’t even expected from me until December 2016 (though my editor said she’d be thrilled to get it done before the contract date).  It’s been many years since I was in high school and college. I’d forgotten this sort of overwhelmed.  I write a few thousand words and my brain is literally heavy.  It must be how a young child feels facing an empty page that has to be filled with carefully printed A’s.  This must be how they feel when an adult tells them to clean up a cluttered room and they don’t even know where to turn first.

My sympathies are with you, letter learning, science experimenting, math testing students as you go from this overwhelming task to many more years ahead of assignments and tests.  They are necessary and you will learn from it but I get it.  This book is an opportunity not only for me professionally but as a reminder.  Great accomplishments come from hard work.  I look forward to having students in my school again in the fall and I hope I get a chance to tell someone who is struggling or overwhelmed that I really do understand.

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Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.

For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC

Copyright 2015 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.

Monday, August 24, 2015

When You Look At Your Children, What Do You See?

It’s a busy, hectic world.  Everyone is running here and there as they try to keep up with the demands of work, marriage, parenting and other responsibilities.  We run home, make dinner and ensure homework gets done between dance or sports or other lessons and appointments.  Everyone is in the same frenzy – adults with their responsibilities and our children with theirs.  It is easy to forget to take a moment to stop and really look at our children. 

Take a moment and look at your children.  What do you see?

Look at your children.  They are being the best them they can be.  They may be struggling.  They make mistakes.  They are the best they can be at this moment.

Look at your children.  They seek your attention because it is part of what they need from you.  They need clothes, food, shoes and your undivided attention.  They need you to smile at them so they know you see them amid the busy-ness.  They need to feel the connection to the most important people in their world.

Look at your children.  They are growing and becoming more independent while you are the keepers of the memories.  Watch them for the “remember when…” moments and the “I will never forget when you…” stories.  Memorize who they are at every age so you can give your recollections back to them like a gift.

See your children.  They are the best and worst parts of you and some original parts that will take them to new places and new experiences beyond your imagination.  They are deserving of all of the wisdom, hugs and encouragement that you can give them.

See your children look back at you as they move simultaneously toward and away from you in the struggle to walk their own paths with one arm reaching back for you.

When you look at your children, what do you see?


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Read this blog for more articles.  Ask your parenting & education questions and learn about early childhood workshops for parents & educators - Helping Kids Achieve.

For information about private coaching for adults, youth, teens and families -  Helping Families Achieve with Cindy Terebush, CPC, CYPFC

Copyright 2015 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved

Please do not sell, post, curate, publish, or distribute all or any part of this article without author's permission.   You are invited, however, to share a link to this post on your webpage, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and other social networking sites.